I AM treating you like a normal person

On the 3rd of December it will be International Day of People with Disability.

I have a bone to pick with some disabled people.

Unless you are mentally disabled then no I cannot pick this bone/bone this pick? with you because it would be unfair.

This is the complaint I get most from my disabled friends.

"We don't get treated like normal people"

First of all, what is normal?

Secondly you can take that attitude and throw it out the window.

I talk to my friends with disabilities the same way I talk to any other friend.

I complain about my weight, my skin, my hair, how I got a blister etc etc.

Guess what? All this.. THIS IS NORMAL.

Yes, you are in a wheelchair and saying that you are discriminated against because this place doesn't have wheelchair access.

I agree, we should have entrances that cater to everyone.

But don't tell me i'm being discriminatory because i'm complaining about a blister on my foot from wearing high heels.

This, I cannot understand.

Does it mean that if you have no eyes, I cannot tell you about my contact lens allergy?

If you have burns all over your skin that I cannot apply makeup in front of you?

That if you've lost all your hair that I cannot tell you that I have a bad haircut?

If you have a debilitating anxiety issue I cannot tell you that work is stressing me out?

Is this not just perpetuating the segregation of people with disabilities from the "norm"?

Seriously. What am I supposed to do?

Either you want me to treat you differently or the same as everyone else.

Your call.

16 responses
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6 months ago carlyfindlay (Twitter) responded:

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Hi
I can sort of see your point. When i was about 16 some girls at school said they didn't need to talk about sex around me because they vocally assumed I wouldnt ever have sex.
But, and this is a pretty defensive but...
I am fine with talking about the 'normal' things with my friends, and even strangers. However if my face is too sore for me to want to look in the mirror I don't want to hear about someone's bad hair day or minor pimple. I dont have time for that. And I think it's all about having perspective. Ive seen people with disabilities and chronic illnesses do it tough. Some may not have much time to live. They take j in their stride and have a beautiful outlook, not sweating the small stuff. I'm the same. It is all relative though. What's important to you may not be to others.

I wrote a blog post on this called Tiptoeing and Avoidance if you want to get my bigger perspective. http://carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/2011/10/tiptoeing-and-avoidance.html

6 months ago Feryx Lim responded:

GAHH my stupid phone doesn't allow me to reply properly. No one wants to hear about someone else's crap when they are having a bad day. Having said that I am not triviliasing disabilities, I just feel like i'm occasionally in a minefield. I say something which I say all the time and suddenly BOOM! I am an insensitive asshole. As you said, it's a matter of perspective. There are days my hands are so gnarled I can't make a fist or write, I don't take it to heart when someone asks me to carry something. :\

6 months ago Bronwyn Marquardt (Facebook) responded:

One of my BFFs doesn't have a disability as such, but she has been through cancer several times, and lost her hair each time. I remember complaining about a bad hair one day and then apologising: How dare I? What an insensitive idiot was I? And we laughed. This time.

6 months ago Feryx Lim responded:

Good that you and your friend can laugh about it :) I believe that i'm fair, i'm there when my friends need me in tough times and in return they give me a little bit of leeway that sometimes I get tired or I forget and say things out of turn. But they know that I love them.

6 months ago carlyfindlay (Twitter) responded:

I make jokes about my skin all the time. But I also believe some respect and sensitivity should be given when appropriate.

6 months ago Becca responded:

It's a double edge sword ain't it.....

6 months ago Feryx Lim responded:

carly: but of course! i'm not going to purposely set out to make fun of someone :) that would be horrible.

becca: indeed it is, both on the giving and receiving end.. if you know what i mean *wink wink nudge nudge*

6 months ago carlyfindlay (Twitter) responded:

While I see your intentions aren't to purposely offend I also see how this attitude may offend people with disabilities and without.
Just as PWD have reasonable adjustment requirements, People without disabilities should also have reasonable adjustment of attitudes and expectations.
I think we just want to feel included without being bored/offended by seemingly trivial discussion. I once watched an interview with Stella Young, disability advocate and writer, who said she too is just as superficial as the next 'normal' person. I admit, I am pretty fashion focused too, but I know that looks and other such things aren't the most important things in life. I do believe, and am not talking myself up, that PWDs often have a better perspective of the world.
While I am your friend, and acknowledge we won't always agree, I really don;t think what you have written is in the spirit of IDPWD. I have seen a lot of people who are really very sick, and I know they would find this post difficult to read too.

6 months ago Feryx Lim responded:

Hmm. Let me think about this. I am reluctant to take this post down only because this topic has been thrown around quite a fair bit with other pwds. Also, I think on such an international day, it is not only about the inspiring and heartwarming stories, it is about all issues that can be broached and brought up. Remember, I am not only on the giving end but also on the receiving.

6 months ago Feryx Lim responded:

I am trying to challenge people to think about disability in a different way. I think too many people are overly sensitive about it to the point that the unintentionally make pwds feel excluded. Anyone can be a horrible person, whether they are a pwd or not. It's just food for thought for everyone.

6 months ago carlyfindlay (Twitter) responded:

Given the theme of my post was 'challenging the way people without a disability think about disability', I think you did so :)

6 months ago Feryx Lim responded:

But to be fair, I will think about a way to make my post sound less snarky :)

6 months ago wagthedad responded:

You know who is discriminated against? Tall people. Seriously. I am ALL for wheelchair access and for the water fountain to be reachable for them but you know what? If I have to get down on my knees to drink the water or take a piss, then I feel discriminated against, too.

6 months ago Feryx Lim responded:

You know what sucks about being short? The curve of the headrest is always RIIIGGGHHHTTTT where your head should be able to lean back so i'm perpetually driving with my back curved into the seat and my head tiled forward.

6 months ago Feryx Lim responded:

I don't know why your comment is not showing up (will check).

But then, it's like when a really hot person talks to you and you're just seriously not paying attention to their words.

I don't know what you have said SocialAssassin because the mere fact that you are on my blog and reading my post has caused me to have a panty meltdown.

Comment all over me, again, please.

6 months ago Feryx Lim responded:

Because socialassassins comment is not showing up on my blog but it is in my email i'll cut and paste it here:

"I think that both Carly and Feryx have a valid point of view here. I think what ultimately makes the issue difficult to define clearly is personal boundaries. Disabled or not, every person has a differing opinion on what may or may not be considered offensive or uncomfortable to them. Unless you have some point of reference regarding the PWD in question, it can be hard to know where to draw the line between treating that person in a normal fashion and being sensitive to their particular issues. Perhaps what is more often the real issue is that others often consider the whole issue of the disability to be taboo, and have no way of discussing where this boundary lies. With one or two notable exceptions, I have often found that open discourse with disabled people helps to establish these social boundaries, as well as reassuring them that you are not alienated by their individual condition."