I'm pretty sure that this interview ROCKS!

For the first time in my life, I feel like everything I have ever blogged for has been validated when the lovely Becca from I'm Pretty Sure That actually requested an interview.

1. Snails, yay or nay? Why? 

YAY because who doesn't love snails. Yeah, they're kind of gross when you accidentally squish one, but otherwise they make for the perfect pet when you're mom says you're not allowed to have pets... besides snail slime is kind of shimmery and so if the light's just right it looks like rainbows on the sidewalk.

2. Have you ever stolen anything? Is yes, what, if no, WHY NOT! 5 fingered discounts are the shizzz 

 Ummm yes, a shirt from a department store on a dare when I was 14, and I felt awful for days. I eventually gave it to the friend that dared me because I couldn't even stand to look at in and partly because I was scared shitless that the cops were going to show up at my house any minute and haul me off to jail. Jail scares me. (Hold me)

3. You have lots of things you are pretty sure about, anything you're pretty sure about in the world of humour blogs? 

(I personally think a lot of comedy type folks whether bloggers, stand up, comedy writers etc are a little bit wonky in the head..)

 Well I'm pretty sure that I AM Wonky in the head. The wonkiness makes for great writing. The only thing I'm really sure about in world of humor blogs is that not everyone has the same sense of humor. There must be 100's of thousands of humor blogs on the interwebs, but not each one of them is piss yourself funny, or it's just not your brand of humor. Just got to keep reading until you find the handful of blogs you can't live without. That's the only thing I'm pretty sure of.

4. Between a unicorn with flatulance issues, a dragon with no teeth and a merman whose top half is a fish and bottom half a very unendowed man, which would you pick as a pet and why? 

I would pick a dragon with no teeth. How awesome would that be. Yes I think I'd like a ride today, and don't you get sassy with me, or you'll what eat me hahahahaha.... After all who wants a stinky unicorn... (although if the unicorn is farting out rainbows and cotton candy I may be persuaded to change pets), and well half fish half man thing is really ummm wrong... and even if it wasn't... it's still a man which means it's eventually going to do something absurd and piss me off and before you know it we're not on talking terms anymore, and someone has to go sleep in the kennel outside... I mean really... it's just a disaster waiting to happen. 

5. Since I am your no #1 ho bag, would I be able to stand on a street corner near you and not get beat up?  

YES. I take real good care of my ho bags.

6. Gymnasts... do you also think that they are kinda of pornographic? Or is it just me? What else is kind of normal but pornographic? (i'm not sick in the head I swear) 

For sure they're kinky. Hey guys and gals let's wear the tightest and highest cropped spandex ever made, and then do ridiculous stunts on the floor, with rings and beams. Cuz the splits are the BOMB. The other thing that's pornographic but considered normal is the way some people eat their food. CHRIST. It's fucking FOOD. I too have been known to have a foodgasm here or there but usually involves a lot of drooling and unnecessary chomping, NOT making horizontal mamba noises or performing phallic acts with the items on my plate. If it's that bad, go to a bar, any bar, get really drunk and go get laid. Thank you.

7. Complete this scenario "One day you come home from work and find 2 rabbits in your kitchen, they have an argument about beets v.s radishes. They say that if you do not side with one of them, they will destroy your house with a cyclone because they are friggin magic rabbits! So you...." 

Let them destroy my house. If it's a cyclone that's considered an act of nature and my home insurance covers it. I've been wanting a new kitchen FOR YEARS......

8. You look like you're very tall, are you very tall? aw crap on a testicle this question sucks but go ahead and answer it, i'll add on a bonus question! 

Me.. I'm not that tall, I'm generally wearing heels. I'm only 5"5", maybe 5'6" on a good day. But I wear 3 inch heels a lot so it gives the allusion that I'm about 5'8"

9. Soo... any funky accidents ever go down at the biotech lab? 

No, but this one time we cooked up...... uh never mind

10. If you could be asked any question in the world, what would it be and how would you answer it?

I would have asked: If you could see only your future, but you could only choose one part of it to focus on (ie career, relationship, wealth, health) what part would you choose and why.

I would have answered: I would choose to focus on my marriage 30 years from now because that would give me a glimpse into the rest of my future life. Am I married to the same person, do we live in the same place, same house, did we have more children, are we still in love or are we together but miserable, did we finally win the fucking lottery... you know all that kind of great stuff.

11. Can you write a rap about the trials of motherhood in da hood? (10-20 lines)

motherhood is hard of that there is no doubt

Every round I go with these kids is another bout

of testing my resolve, patience, and smarts

but they are my world, my entire heart

Was told that kids couldn't happen for me

And then I was blessed with the two, whoppee!

Didn't feel complete until they were born

They are my first smile, my first breath

every morning

I live for the joy I see in their eyes

They are the best part of me

They echo every hope and dream

And are proof of what it means

to Hope and Believe

annnddd then I thought of another questionnnn because i'm insecure and all that

12. Out of curiousity, why did you want to be interviewed on my blog? I don't have a supremely high readership, it would be a greater honour to be in OhNoa's League of Funny Bitches!

Hello, why would I NOT want to be interviewed for your blog? You're totally fabulous......